Tracy Anderson Torture Method

After seeing blurb on Extra about the woman responsible for Madonna's arms, I did a little research. I came across one of her workouts posted online which was weird and hard, but actually quickly started getting me results. Later I ordered The Tracy Anderson Method Mat Workout DVD. 


The arm portion of this workout could replace waterboarding. I should say the two arm portions. The workout is 57 minutes of unique and thorough pain. By the time I get to the last section which is abs, I can barely do it... not because my abs hurt, but because my arms are in complete muscle exhaustion and I can barely hold them up behind my head. I guess that's the point, to get "teeny-tiny ballet arms." 


But one day as I stood in my living, arms extended, flipping my palms from floor to ceiling, I thought "this is pure vanity." There is no way this workout is making me more "heart healthy" or improving my overall health, it's simply aesthetic, to make me look better. And hell, I'm an actress, NOTHING wrong with that. But I experimented with a "traditional" form of exercise (EA Sports Active) and I found it be incredibly difficult. HUH? Why? I've been working out SO hard! Well, my accessory muscles ( the little ones that support the big ones) had been working hard, but not my major muscle groups. 


A friend's trainer described Tracy's method: it pulls the fat away from the muscle, but doesn't strengthen it. Hmm, Madonna's arms look really strong. Well, if you've ever seen a picture of Tracy Anderson's body,http://action.tracyandersonmethod.com/ it's more than inspiring. But what is most disheartening, is that even of I can get through that punishing 57 minutes 5 times a week, that's really only half of what Tracy suggests. The other part is cardio. No, not running, spinning or even swimming. DANCING! That's like asking me to be Korean. 


She has a very long, detailed Dance Cardio Workout DVD which I stupidly ordered. I simply am not capable and it was very depressing and frustrating to prove that to myself. And who am I kidding? Workout 2 to 2.5 hours a day? Not unless you're paying me to. And I know about a million women who would pay Tracy to.

I'm Ready, Baby...

Today I took myself for a walk along the beach, something I rarely do and pretty much never do alone.  I came to a startling conclusion.  I'm ready to have a baby.  Actually two.  I want to have the second one immediately after the first.  


Problems?  Hmm... not married, not dating someone who's giving any indication he's ready to get married and/or have children.  Truth is, I wouldn't even mind walking into parenthood unmarried.  I wouldn't even mind spending the rest of my life unmarried.


Oh, and I don't really like children.  In fact most of them make me want to run far, far away to the land of where only adults live.  But I've always been certain my kids will be amazing.


And yes, the fact that I'm turning 35 this year certainly has something to do with these creeping feelings... but they were always going to be there.  I've always known I've wanted to be a mother.


So when will this baby making extravaganza begin?  Well, one thing's for sure, I'm on my last pack of birth control pills.


Stay tuned...

Today's Thoughts

Fresh starts are hard to come by without totally turning your current life upside down.  At least it seems that way to me.    

A year ago I felt like I was on the top of the world, moving into a great new place with a man I adored,  booking everything in sight, feeling amazing about myself inside and out, and one year later, all of that seems like a different person's memories.

How do I get back there?  I'm looking.

Self-absorbed much?

Happy Memorial Day!

Hungry?

Eat what?  I don’t know about you, but I’ve long given up on following the trends on what the experts say you should eat to be healthy and in the body you want.  One day earlier this year, I did a double take when I heard a health expert on the Today Show recommend you should eat a grilled cheese sandwich rather than a fruit smoothie to get rid of “dangerous belly fat.” 


How can you be an expert on something when the “facts” constantly change and the diet book beaters, regularly and almost as a rule, contradict themselves?  When did eating become this complicated?  I recently heard a quote, “Anyone who is in a relationship with food, reading the menu, picking the restaurant, thinking about what to eat, is in a state of mild to tremendous trauma.”  It’s true.  No matter what you eat, there have been several books written about why you should not eat that.  


It’s to  the point that it seems negligent that “health experts” be given a platform to spread their almost McCarthyism-esque fears about what we’re consuming.  I am personally so happy to be at peace with food and am able to trust my own instincts, listen to my body and eat what I want, but I spent MANY years following the fat-free, carb-free, sugar-free, gluten-free, brain cell-free trends that made me extremely stressed out and no thinner or healthier than I am today.  


So many are on the hunt for guidance with regard to food and their bodies, to the degree that if Jackie Warner or Jillian Michaels revealed the secret to a perfect body is cannibalism, I guarantee we’d see a huge spike in missing husbands.   Gives a whole new meaning to the term “bite me” which is exactly what I want to say to the guru behind this story, about how “Women Don’t Work Out Hard Enough" I’m off to have a cookie.  A REAL cookie!  Who's with me?

No Weight For Me!

The past couple days, two of my closest girlfriends have told me they were recently very disturbed by a scale.  Yep, when that number goes up it's never fun.  So I gave them the best advice I could think of: Stop weighing yourself.  Personally I haven't  weighed myself in years.  What's the point?  If you're a woman, it's SO in flux and it makes people obsess.  Who needs the stress?  When I go to the doctor and they insist on weighing me, I always tell them, OK but I'm going to close my eyes, so please don't say the number out loud or show it to me.  The nurse is always a little afraid of me by that point, but always agrees.  I gauge whether I go up or down by how clothes fit, period.  Weight, age, credit score, IMDB Starmeter, they're all just numbers.  And dammit I've always hated numbers, so I'm not gonna let them ruin my day!

How The Heel Do I Walk In These?

Today I wore a skirt and heels to an audition.  And the role certainly didn't require it.  I was playing a waitress, so I barely looked at the script.  Why?  Before I hung up my apron for good, I had more than 13 years experience slinging food and drink for tips.  I got this.


But what's up with the get-up?  It was a snooty, upscale waiter, but still... a skirt?  And heels?  I looked at those heels and my sore feet rather disapprovingly when I got home.  Three inches?  Get off my feet!  That seemed excessive.  But... haven't I heard about taller shoes lately?  Much taller?  Like, five and six-inch heels?  That's insane!  Right?


So what's up with the tall shoes these days?  Well according to experts, shoe height is at an all-time high.  And who is to blame?  Apparently Lehman Brothers and Bear Stearns.  Yep!  Thought is, that the recession is driving escapism.  Thus, women are towering!  Lady Gaga escaped more than anyone, when she strutted her stuff in 12-inch heels for her "Bad Romance" video.


Yikes!  Sure, heels make women feel taller, thinner, more stylish and sophisticated, but at the cost of pain, stress fractures and safety hazards galore?  


I applaud being fashion-forward, but three inches is my limit.  I'm putting my foot down.  In a flip-flop.

Stop Grinding?

Ever since college I've been grinding my teeth in my sleep.  Obviously it's a bad thing.  I've had many root canals and crowns... not fun or cheap.  Plenty of jaw pain, TMJ, and just soreness.  But over time, I've come to accept it as just a personality quirk.  Part of who I am in my stressful, busy little life.



So, I finally found a mouthguard that I'll actually keep in my mouth throughout the night.  In the past I've found those hard, plastic ones under my bed, thrown across the room, or simply MIA.  It's by Sleep Right and it's soft and flexible and comfortable.  And yes, it helps.  But according to my dentist, it's not enough.


Apparently from all my grinding and clenching, I actually have bone growing under my tongue on the bottom of my mouth.  


So if I keep it up, I will end up with a tongue hanging out of mouth in 30 years or so.  Beautiful.

Ever since college I've been grinding my teeth in my sleep.  Obviously it's a bad thing.  I've had many root canals and crowns... not fun or cheap.  Plenty of jaw pain, TMJ, and just soreness.  But over time, I've come to accept it as just a personality quirk.  Part of who I am in my stressful, busy little life.

The real issue is I need to calm the hell down and stop grinding and clenching my damn teeth.  But how?  Hypnotism?  Muscle relaxants?  Meditation?  


Thoughts????